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Monday, March 04, 2013

Non-magical Super Kid Powers

Remember when our parents would tell us that they had eyes in the back of their heads in an effort to creepily warn us that they were always watching?  For a brief time, we may have believed them, but we mostly obtained an awareness of our mom and dad's ability to find things out.  So maybe their actual super scary power was having the Truth Sense?


My own kids think that we periodically set up invisible alarm systems in the upstairs hallway that will alert us when they leave their bedroom at night.  Or someone may have told them that their parents have a direct line to Santa Claus, to thwart typical bad kid behavior (which totally makes us magic by default, right?).  Not to brag, but this Mommy can also read their minds with a little patience and a good hard stare that'll make them sweat out the real story.  
I guess Truth Sense is hereditary.

However, I think the grownups have overlooked a kid's own set of naturally born super abilities. I have only recently discovered a few of these powers (Warning: If not re-trained, the following behaviors  could, quite terribly, grow stronger with age):
  • Protective Hearing Shields: These ensure that while the kids are looking at their parents and nodding, they’re simultaneously throwing up invisible shields over their ears that cause any vocal commands to bounce right off of them.  This act results in the parental response: "You haven’t listened to a word I said. "
  • Hyper-Focus Vision: This is unfortunately mistaken by many adults as the Not-Paying-Attention Complex.  However, your children are actually quite capable of focusing on whatever they please (note: blank stare at T.V.).  So when they can't find their P.E. shoes, and you think that they're irresponsible or forgetful, test their super power by asking a different question: "Will you locate the Oreos in the pantry?" or "What were the words to the Spiderman theme song again?"  Ah.  They CAN remember. Sneaky sneaky.
  • Dinner Table Diversion: What seems like an aversion to any healthy food grown from an actual garden, is really the small people's diversionary tactic. Like Hyper-Focus Vision, kids just know exactly what they want and have an amazing talent for getting it.  Before you cave and punish the whole family with mac n cheese for every single meal, try the adult's own secret weapon- ask them if they would like dessert.  Works every time.
Bottom line: Your kids are smarter than they reveal.  In fact, admitting their many super powers would mean compromising their defenses.  But what they don't realize is that the parents have been around longer.  We have a few more tricks up our sleeves.  Our talents may not be the magic of flight or shooting webs out of our hands, but as they say, "Knowledge is POWER." 

 

Be Super right back!


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